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9/21/2014 9:29 pm  #1

what is it with me and roommates/landlords?

I don't know what it is with me. I seem to attract aggressive, mean people.

My current roommate, who is many years my senior, and I, used to get along just fine. We were both busy people and while there were a few things we did not like about each other (she rants a lot, I have anxiety, for starters) we got along just fine and even cleaned the apartment just fine.

And then she lost her job.

And since then she has slowly turned into a controlling, petty, vindictive witch. Bitch would be too polite a word to use.

She was part of a massive restructuring, so it wasn't like she was fired or anything. But now she's home all damn day long, and she gets bitchy about how the apartment looks.

I came home to finding a massive jumbo bathroom rug on the steps. After faceplanting on it walking down the stairs, I removed it for my safety and when I tried to confront her later she acted like a cornered cat - she didn't yell - it was just obvious that she was, well, the best description would be like a cornered cat. I said, after several days of getting the cornered cat thing from her, that maybe we should just take off our athletic shoes and therefore the carpet would not look so dirty. I got a cat grin in return and she calmed down for all of two days. Of course, days later she had a local day laborer come in with a carpet cleaner and asked him to clean for her - and despite being unemployed, did not ask her roommate to chip in.

Two days after that I come home and my roommate, who told me she can't smell worth a damn, has installed baking soda on my side of the fridge.  Without asking or communicating with me. I quietly move it to my side of the fridge on my way to work. I get a nasty text at 9:31 AM in the morning while my boss is hovering over my desk demanding that I (and it was all caps to boot!) stop moving the "damn baking soda. It needs to vent and be in the highest point of the fridge." (except all of that was in caps).

I come home from work to find my vacuum cleaner, previously stored in a storage area, in the doorway to my room. I moved it back downstairs. While talking to my own mother I get a text from my roommate informing me that if my vacuum is in the storage area when she gets back from Bridge night, she will throw it in the trash.

On top of this, in the 2.5 months my roommate has not been working, I have endured much ranting, whining and bitching, to include:

-referring to her ex-non-white boss using every insult known to the human race used against Asian people shy of actual racist epithets;

-bitching because some of her friends told their friends she is not working so as to help her find a job

-bitching about recruiters

-bitching about some out of state company that paid for her to visit them at their headquarters back east for an interview because they did not hire her immediately

-referring to the CEO of a potential company as an egomaniac and crazy man

-ranting about "Mexicans" stealing jobs (despite the fact that she is college educated and most of the illegals she's railing against aren't)

-ranting and bitching about our landlord

-ranting and bitching about the weather

-ranting and bitching about her car

-ranting and bitching about her brother

She even picks apart and bitches about her favorite TV show while it is playing.

On top of all of this, she got angry that I told my parents she isn't working and refers to me as a room renter. Our actual landlord and I had a conversation yesterday where it was brought up that I am a co-tenant on the lease, which, well, means I have to come up with the money in the event that my roommate can't - which is why I told my parents.

My roommate also holds on to the delusion that she is immune from being possibly long-term unemployed and that this will work itself out ASAP (she's lost a bit of that since she's been not working for 2.5 months). While she has had many interviews she (understandably) is frustrated she hasn't yet been hired yet. I've told her it takes time, the economy sucks and with her experience level (she's got a lot of experience) she needs to bank on it taking a while.

I have considered moving, but right now, given my status on the lease and all, I'm very doubtful the landlord would let me out of the lease. Why would they? My roommate told them she is not working, and even though I don't make enough to cover the whole rent, they still stand a better chance of getting paid while I live here. I'm also doubtful my roommate can qualify on her own, and her only option of a roommate would be someone who makes what she used to make - a tall order given all the furniture downstairs is hers and she doesn't want to move anything.

So basically I'm stuck and hoping my roommate gets a job so she an quit being the Wicked Witch of the West. 

I don't know if its my social anxiety or what, but I always seem to get stuck with people to trample all over me and are far more aggressive.

Last edited by cactusflower702 (9/21/2014 9:29 pm)


9/22/2014 5:10 am  #2

Re: what is it with me and roommates/landlords?

It sounds to me as if your roommate is massively stressed out and also scared of remaining unemployed - and perhaps has too much time on her hands, which causes her to notice small things she didn´t care about in the past; and feel massively bothered by them. Perhaps she feels that she needs to control the world immediately around her because she can´t control the big wide world out there. She obviously feels bad about herself for being unemployed, so she may be looking for some outlet to bolster up her own self-image (= criticizing others) and may not even realize it´s become that much.
What you describe reminds me of a bad phase in my own past. The background situation was different to the one of your roommate, but I, too, was incredibly stressed and felt immensely bothered by little things I never used to mind.
Stuff like not all t-shirts in the wardrobe being folded up the same way, dishes put in the cupboard where they didn´t belong (in my opinion). A tiny crease in my bedsheet became the literal pea underneath the mattress that kept me awake all night. I was edgy, lashed out and often gave the cornered cat-response. Afterwards, I felt sorry and bad about everything. Which in turn made me react just the same way again. (God, am I glad this is over!)

What helped me was the background situation changing - at first for the worse, but that prompted me to finally get therapy, and gradually things improved.

I think your roommate might need to talk to a therapist, if only once to assess her situation.
After all, the overall attitude you describe probably shows in job interviews, too, and affects her chances to get hired. 


9/22/2014 6:04 pm  #3

Re: what is it with me and roommates/landlords?

I agree with pretty much everything Yukari said. 

Which doesn't make the situation any better for you.   


9/22/2014 10:37 pm  #4

Re: what is it with me and roommates/landlords?

I am so sorry, cactusflower702. Unfortunately, I agree with both Yukari and tatortotcassie.


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