I run into a lot of "just try harder," when I'm already trying as hard as I possibly can.
Yes. Grrrrrr, yes. It's always beeing seen as either being lazy, a slacker, or just outright rude when the memory fails. (insert canned speech #1 about 'I have memory issues, so please don't take this personally, but... what's your name again?')
Having such a wide spread of abilities does not help, and neither does that my functioning varies a lot from day to day depending on whether my seizure disorder is behaving itself at the moment. In some settings I might look like a slightly-awkward but well-adjusted neurotypical person, while in others I am clearly disabled.
Yes, that ability spread is very good at somehow apparently invalidating the disability in many people's minds. "But you're so -articulate.- You keep forgetting my name/my face, therefore you must just not like me very much. How rude of you!"
It really seems like the majority of the population is not aware that most disabilities are not immediately visible, or that disabled people's functioning can vary from day to day and place to place.
Yeah, I didn't appreciate these facts at all either until the memory issues kicked in for me. I suspect it's unfortunately true probably for most people. The variation in day to day functioning came as such a surprise to me. How does that even work? And, yep, that whole internalized ableism thing kicks in and says 'You're just not -trying- hard enough, you could do this yesterday!' There is a certain amount of compensating I can do - I talk around words I forget, and I'm so good at this people generally don't notice I'm doing it - but there are some things you cannot do that with (people's names.)
I have some funny stories about weird things that have triggered seizures.
If you are interested in sharing, please do?
A few of my own memory fade stories:
- My landlords left for the summer last year, and the day after they left, the burglar alarm in their place went off. (false alarm) The police knocked on my door to talk to me (my ohana, ie seperate family dwelling, is directly attatched to the main house,) and I could not name my landlords. I just could not come up with their names, despite having known them and lived next to them at least three years. (Nor did I hear the burglar alarm, because my ears aren't great in high ranges anymore!) The cop was giving me quite a bit of the old stink eye, and I don't blame him - didn't hear the alarm, can't name your landlords? And I never did remember their names for the duration of the chat with the cop. Ai yai yai, hahaha.
- I couldn't remember the word 'plumber', so I said 'we'll get the right kind of professional in to fix this." I do this kind of talking around a word I forget fairly frequently.
- Once in a very great while, something seemingly completely random will stick immediately and clearly. It is an absolute mystery to me how this happens, haha.
- I spent most of the last three years + volunteering as staff at various Minecraft servers. If I catch a player breaking a rule, there are two things I must do immediately: a) write down their name b) the specifics of what happened. If a player is being problematic in chat, I have to take screenshots, because I can not quote either them or myself afterwards. I'll be able to give the gist of what happened for a while afterwards, but the specifics always go away immediately. Most players are kids, and many of them will lie through their teeth to try to get out of trouble, and -that- is a serious problem for me, because conflicting information tends to over-write what's in my head until it is a complete hash. Other staff are able to say "No, that's a lie, because you said such-and-so in game *quotes player verbatim*." Me, I won't remember who this player is or why I banned them unless I look at the notes I made on the spot at the time. God help me if another staff member wants to talk about the incident even five minutes after it's happened, if I don't have notes like that.
- This was the hardest part of cognitive testing for me: the tester read me something, then asked me questions about it. But they weren't direct yes or no questions; they introduced a piece of information, then asked if it was right or wrong. The overwrite thing happened for me, and I just -floundered- so hard, because I had no clue if the information now being offered was part of of the original story or not. The tester kinda gave me the eye and I remember her saying something like this being the easiest part of the test for most people. Yeah, well, good for them. *snort*